i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
