Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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