I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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