just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
