I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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