it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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