he puts the penis in happiness.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
