I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
