i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
