Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
