Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
