I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize