Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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