and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
