wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
