At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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