Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
