I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You're a waste of cheezeits
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
