Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize