You kept calling me your small dog last night.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize