The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
