Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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