I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
