Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
