I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
