dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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