I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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