Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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