Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize