I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
