I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
