Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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