I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
