okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
