I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
