I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
