Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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