wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize