Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
