I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
