I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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