Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
