If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
