We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
