my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
