so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
