where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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