I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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