I'm pants shitting drunk right now
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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