Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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