I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
