You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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