remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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