I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
