can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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