so that wasnt chicken after all
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
