Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
