maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize