i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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