you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
