Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
