I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
