Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
