My sheets look like a crime scene.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Found your dick twin last night
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
