i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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