____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
