I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We got so high we made milksteak
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize