Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
