guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
