Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
