This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
