So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
