You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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