One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
