Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
