He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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