it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
