Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
then he tried to convert me to islam
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
