She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
did i walk over a car last night?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
