Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
