Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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