I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
