If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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