so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
