I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
