nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
