I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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