when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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