If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
