My nipple is on Facebook.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize