Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
