where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
