My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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