What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize