you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
