you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
