yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
never play flip cup with pint glasses
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
