Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
