Duck Duck Cougar?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
