were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
