You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
