i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize