She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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